Book Review: The Gospel Comes With a House Key

*I received a free copy of this book from the publisher via #netgalley in exchange for an honest review.


I have been looking forward to reading this book; first, because the author is one I’ve admired from afar ever since I read her first book, Confessions of an Unlikely Convert; second, because hospitality is a ministry dear to my heart. I had high expectations for this book; and sadly, it slightly disappoints. Perhaps I’m being nit picky and I apologize if I sound harsh, but I need to give my honest review. It is perplexing because though I do not love the book, I do not have a problem recommending it to others. (I gave it a 4* on netgalley bec of this).

I’m not sure if this is promoted as such, but it is part memoir, part theology lesson, part christian living kind of book. Interwoven are the theological basis, biblical illustrations and personal story about hospitality. Mrs. Butterfield is a good writer and could very well be the most qualified to talk about hospitality, but I still find issues in the book that I cannot give it a 5-Star rating.

These issues are not theological in nature, so I can still in good conscience recommend the book. For sure, it is highly engaging, saturated with Scripture, and convicting to the core. I’ve had to stop several times to repent for past sins in the area of hospitality and pray for God’s grace to help me a better hostess.

I cried reading about her tumultuous relationship with her mother. I especially love that she encourages us to not idolize safety and security, something American Christians are obsessed with. We need to live our ordinary lives radically and one way we do that is through hospitality. Here are some favorite quotes:

I know I can’t save anyone. Jesus alone saves, and all I do is show up. Show up we must.

Radically ordinary hospitality is this: using your Christian home in a daily way that seeks to make strangers neighbors, and neighbors family of God. It brings glory to God, serves others, and lives out the gospel in word and deed.

Christians must learn to practice radically ordinary hospitality not only as the hosts of this world but, perhaps more importantly, as its despised guests. Let’s face it: we have become unwelcome guests in this post-Christian world.

God calls us to make sacrifices that hurt so that others can be served and maybe even saved. We are called to die. Nothing less.

The job of an ally makes the cross lighter, not by erecting or supporting laws that oppose God’s law, but by being good company in the bearing of its weight.

Now for the disappointing parts...here are just a few:

Perhaps this is unavoidable when writing a memoir, and I have a sensitivity to humble-bragging because of my own pride problems, but I find her constant use of her own personal triumphs in hospitality as a little irksome. I don’t want to judge her motives, but it gets old when I read one hospitable act by the author after another. She did use other people’s examples, but it’s mostly about her and her family’s sacrifice and good works. This is especially interesting because she talks highly of her husband who would not “tarnish by bragging about it (one’s coming to faith through their hospitality) on a blog post or on Facebook. Kent is a Christian man. Christian men do not steal glory from God. This is the kind of news that moves mountains, something to be addressed in the sacred moment of table fellowship.”

Her schedule seems unmaintainable. Doing intentional ministry every day could exhaust even the most devoted Christian. As a minister’s wife, I understand that being in full-time ministry is a 24/7 kind of job, and opportunities to serve could come at any moment. But her way is to have something planned every day. Maybe these are assumed, but I ask her, When does she devote time alone with her husband? When does she foster one on one time with her kids? It is hard to imagine she has time for them just by reading about her schedule.

One of the characters she mentions in the book is Hank who starts as a grumpy neighbor and becomes a friend. Later on, it is found out he was leading a secret criminal life. I understand and admire the author’s compassion for her friend, but her intent focus on this made her question the fairness of his incarceration, made her forget his serious crimes that hurt a lot of people. His sins are somewhat downplayed. Yes, as a Christian, he has been forgiven, but he still has to face the consequences of his sins.

She quotes and uses as a good example a Catholic priest who “regarded hospitality as a spiritual movement, one that is possible only when loneliness finds its spiritual refreshment in solitude, when hostility resolves itself in hospitality, and when illusion is manifested in prayer.” This sounds mystical and, as an ex-Catholic, I seriously have an issue promoting any of them.

I found two typos: principal when she meant principle, tails instead of tales.

Book Review: The Bully Pulpit by Goodwin

The Bully Pulpit is actually three stories in one: the biographies of Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft and the history of McClure Magazine, the original investigative publication that Teddy labeled as “muckraker journalism.”

The writing is well done. I learned so much about these two former presidents. Taft served as Governor of the Philippines after the US defeated the Spaniards who colonized the Islands for centuries. I’m Filipino and this part of the book is the most eye-opening to me. Taft was an honorable and decent man who, along with his wife, truly valued the dignity of the Filipino people. He went out of his way to secure the way for Philippine independence. In return, the Filipino people revered and respected him.

I most specially loved reading the love notes they sent to and received from their wives. Jane Austen would have had a competition in Taft who wrote romantic notes to his wife Nellie:

While still pursuing her -
“I love you Nellie,” he declared. “I love you for all that you are. I love you for your noble consistent character . . . for all that you are, for all that you hope to be. . . . Oh how I will work and strive to be better and do better, how I will labor for our joint advancement if only you will let me. You will be my companion, my love and my life....My love for you grew out of a friendship, intimate and of long standing. That friendship of course was founded on a respect and admiration for your high character, your sweet womanly qualities and your intellectual superiority over any woman I know and for that quality in you which is called sympathy but I call it self forgetting companionableness. . . . Much as I should love to have you love me now and say so now, there is proud satisfaction I feel in that such a heart as yours can not be won in a moment.”

After a short separation -
“I can not tell you what a comfort it is to me to think of you as my wife and helpmeet,” he declared. “I measure every woman I meet with you and they are all found wanting. Your character, your independence, your straight mode of thinking, your quiet planning, your loyalty, your sympathy when I call for it (as I do too readily) your affection and love (for I know I have it) all these Darling make me happy only to think about them.”

William Taft talking to his father about his future wife:

“The more I knew her,” Will told his father, “the deeper grew my respect for her, the warmer my friendship until it unconsciously ripened into a feeling that she was indispensable to my happiness. . . . I know you will love her when you come to know her and will appreciate as I do her noble character and clear cut intellect and well informed mind. She has been teaching for three years and has been no expense at all to her father. She has done this without encouragement by her family who thought the work too hard for her because she chafed under the conventionalities of society which would keep a young lady only for evening entertainments. She wanted something to do in life. . . . Her eagerness for knowledge of all kinds puts me to shame. Her capacity for work is wonderful.”

Roosevelt said of his first wife, “It almost frightens me, in spite of my own happiness,” he revealed in his diary, “to think that perhaps I may not make her happy; but I shall try so hard; and if ever a man love woman I love her.”

To his second wife, Edith, “I do not think my eyes are blinded by affection,” the president told a friend, “when I say that she has combined to a degree I have never seen in any other woman the power of being the best of wives and mothers, the wisest manager of the household, and at the same time the ideal great lady and mistress of the White House.”

Romanticism aside, this is a great book. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in early 20th century history.

My Grandpa, who served as a solider during WWII under the US Army, once said, “The Spaniards came and treated us like slaves. The Japanese came and treated us like animals. The Americans came and treated us like human beings with dignity.”

The book confirmed just as what my Grandpa said. America is guilty of many things, but it has been a champion for democracy and I have greatly benefited from that myself.

Book Review: How Should We Then Live? by Francis Schaeffer

How Should We Then Live? is the second Francis Schaeffer book I’ve read. I loved the first one, The God Who is There, and How Shall We Then Live is just as excellent. It’s such a great book that I read it twice back to back - it’s that good! I highly recommend it to everyone, especially young people who are about to go out into the world and be inevitably educated with the prevalent secularism by the anti-Christian Intelligentsia.

Schaeffer wove through the history of western thought in the book and its influence in the culture, art, science, literature, music, film, and even church life and theology. He expertly documented, from Ancient Rome to the tumultuous 1970’s, how the slow departure from Christian values and absolute truth has resulted in a devastating descent of humanity.

Humanism’s focus that man’s logic is the basis of truth has resulted in making man a mere matter and without dignity. Modern man has replaced allegiance to absolute truth with the values of “personal peace and affluence.” In the process, modern man has willingly and stupidly given up innate human dignity and freedom for the sake of false peace and wealth.

Schaeffer foresaw the rise of postmodernism as the new “absolute” and its ruinous consequences that we now see, from redefining “life” as something dependent on the mother’s feelings to fluid gender and sexual identities independent of the individual’s physical and genetic attributes. The irony is glaring that Humanism (“man is everything”) has removed our innate human dignity, simply because we are all image-bearers of the living God, and reduced man to a group of molecules (“man is nothing”).

He prophetically declared, “When we see a political figure on TV, we are not seeing the person as he necessarily is; we are seeing, rather, the image someone has decided we should see.”

“Finally we must not forget the manipulative capacity of the high-speed computer. As a tool it is useful but neutral. It can be used for good purposes or equally for harm...The combined use of the technical capability of listening in on all these forms of communications with the high-speed computer literally leaves no place to hide and little room for any privacy.

“Similarly alarming are the indications that terrorist organizations from all over the world have in some way coordinated their efforts. We have already seen indications of how people give up liberties when they are faced with the threat of terrorism.”

Faced with the dim outlook of our culture and humanity, we are left to ask the book’s title, “How Should We Then Live?” Schaeffer answered this by encouraging his readers to go back to the truth of God’s Word and use its absolute truths as the foundation of our life. Without absolute truths there can be no morality. Without absolutes, life has no meaning. This book’s message is as relevant and urgently needed to the current generation as much as it was in the 1970’s when it was written.

After reading HSWTL, I see how Schaeffer’s writings have greatly influenced Christian leaders and thinkers like Nancy Pearcey, another favorite author. I must have highlighted 10% of this book. In every page are truth and ideas that accurately convey my thoughts and sentiments about the cultural trends we are facing now. This is remarkable because the book was written over forty years ago.

Here are some favorite quotes from it:

Man’s needs not only a God who exists, but a God who has spoken in a way that can be understood.

...if one begins with the Bible’s position that a person is created by God and created in the image of God, there is a basis for that person’s dignity. People, the Bible teaches, are made in the image of God—they are nonprogrammed. Each is thus Man with dignity.

The vocation of honest merchant or housewife had as much dignity as king.

The rise of modern science did not conflict with what the Bible teaches; indeed, at a crucial point the Scientific Revolution rested upon what the Bible teaches...modern science was born out of the Christian world view.

Because of the rationality of God, the early scientists had an “inexpugnable belief that every detailed occurrence can be correlated with its antecedents in a perfectly definite manner, exemplifying general principles. Without this belief the incredible labors of scientists would be without hope.”

The Christian world view gives us a real world which is there to study objectively. Another result of the Christian base was that the world was worth finding out about, for in doing so one was investigating God’s creation.

By the ruling of the Supreme Court, the unborn baby is not counted as a person. In our day, quite rightly, there has been a hue and cry against some of our ancestors’ cruel viewing of the black slave as a non-person. This was horrible indeed—an act of hypocrisy as well as cruelty. But now, by an arbitrary absolute brought in on the humanist flow, millions of unborn babies of every color of skin are equally by law declared non-persons. Surely this, too, must be seen as an act of hypocrisy.

If there are no absolutes by which to judge society, then society is absolute.

With such values (personal Peace and affluence), will men stand for their liberties? Will they not give up their liberties step by step, inch by inch, as long as their own personal peace and prosperity is sustained and not challenged, and as long as the goods are delivered?

The majority of the silent majority, young and old, will sustain the loss of liberties without raising their voices as long as their own life-styles are not threatened. And since personal peace and affluence are so often the only values that count with the majority, politicians know that to be elected they must promise these things. Politics has largely become not a matter of ideals—increasingly men and women are not stirred by the values of liberty and truth—but of supplying a constituency with a frosting of personal peace and affluence. They know that voices will not be raised as long as people have these things, or at least an illusion of them.

The problem is clear: Without the absolute line which Christianity gives for the distinctiveness of people, even things which can be good in themselves lead to humanness being increasingly lost.

Moral “oughts” are only what is sociologically accepted at the moment. In this setting will today’s unthinkable still be unthinkable in ten years? Man no longer sees himself as qualitatively different from non-man. The Christian consensus gave a basis for people being unique, as made in the image of God, but this has largely been thrown away.

The biblical message is truth and it demands a commitment to truth. It means that everything is not the result of the impersonal plus time plus chance, but that there is an infinite-personal God who is the Creator of the universe, the space-time continuum...it is the truth that gives a unity to all of knowledge and all of life.

Four things parenting has taught me about God

I became a mom 18 years ago. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t wait to be a mom. I thought it’d be a little hard, but not overwhelming. I was not scared at all. There was no way I could struggle taking care of sweet babies who always smelled good. Boy, was I wrong! I have to say, though, as far as babies go, I’ve had it easy, I think. My girls were always good sleepers and eaters. I taught them to entertain themselves from the beginning, so I didn’t feel like I had to keep them busy all the time. And I’ve had the best partner in parenting, who has always been an involved dad.

But it didn’t take long, maybe 30 minutes from birth after the initial oohing and ahhing, when I realized parenting was going to be an adventure, both the best and hardest I could ever face. I have learned so much about myself, my sin tendencies, my children’s own struggles with sin; and most importantly, I have learned so much about God. Here are just four things God has taught me about Himself through being a mother to my precious girls.

Parenting has given me a better understanding of God's love for me

As soon as the doctor introduced me to each of my babies, I felt this overwhelming love for her. It’s a love that compares to nothing else I have ever felt. Immediately, I knew I would give up my life for them. As they were growing up, that love just grew, too. Whenever they got hurt, I wanted to ease their pain and comfort them. I prepared the best food, provided them the most comfortable home, protected them from harm, as much as I could.

As they started to show the selfish “me” attitude and anger towards me because I said no to something they wanted so badly, I may have gotten frustrated or angry, but I still loved them. In fact, even in my imperfect, flawed way, I cannot think of any reason how I could ever stop loving them.

This intense love that I have for them is just a glimpse of God’s love for His children. Unlike mine, His love for me never fails and is perfect. No matter how much I sin against Him, He is always ready to forgive. How often have I offended Him, yet He still sees Christ’s righteousness in me, so He will never stop loving me. Because I’ve learned what it’s like to love my children unconditionally, I have a better understanding how much God perfectly loves me.

1 John 3:1 says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”

Parenting has taught me how much Jesus' death has cost God

Because I cherish my kids more than any other in this world and love them more than my own life, it would be impossible for me to ever give any of them up for any reason. I think one of the most selfless acts any mother could ever do is to give up for adoption the child she can’t provide for. When my kids were babies, I would check on them when they were napping, first to make sure they’re ok, but really because I missed them already. I’m going to be a mess this fall when our oldest will move to California for college. I don’t even want to think about what it will be like not having her home all the time. It’s just a natural thing to feel as a parent, to want to be with your children and to keep them safe.

Now, imagine what God the Father did. He did not give up a child for someone else to cherish, like the mom who gives up her child for adoption. God gave up His Son Jesus, not to be loved and cared for, but to be killed. Jesus became human and died a horrifying death. But even more, it was God the Father who put Him there. It was my sin that made His death necessary, but it was God who “laid my sins on Him.”

Isaiah 53:4-6 says, Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

I cannot imagine what intense pain the Father felt when He gave up His beloved Son to be humiliated, to suffer, to be rejected and scorned, and for what? For undeserving people like us so that we could be reconciled to God in Christ’s perfect righteousness. Our sin has separated us from God and He wants us to be reconciled to Him. But reconciliation will never happen as long as we are tainted by sin. This is where Jesus comes in. God values holiness so much that He gave up His Son to make it possible for sinful people to be holy, but only through Christ’s death on the cross and resurrection from the dead.


Parenting has made me realize how much my identity in God matters

Before we had kids, my husband and I observed many young parents and how their kids behaved. We decided from the beginning that there were certain things that we would work hard on. One of these was observing table manners. We trained our girls to treat meal times as meal times, not play times. We made them eat their food with little mess, even if it meant I would help direct their little hands from the plate to their mouths until they were able to do it on their own. Dinners are not the time for exploration, but nourishment.

Over the years, our family rules have grown in number. Often, our kids just did them because it’s the way it’s been done for years. Sometimes, though, they would complain, "Why so and so family doesn’t have to do that, but we do?" And our answer is always the same, “We are the Brackett family and we follow the Brackett family rules.”

In the same way, if you are a follower of Christ, there are certain things that you just do because you belong to Him. Sometimes we look at the world and reason to ourselves, "Why can’t I do that, too?" The answer is the same - because God’s family pursues the will of the Father. We may not agree, but our job is to obey. But whether we obey or not, our family status does not change. My kids could decide to make a mess at the table, but they still are my kids. No amount of rebellion could change their identity as a Brackett. They will always be part of our family, no matter what.

The sense of belonging doesn’t apply only to rules, but also to benefits. As a member of our family, our kids also get to reap the wonderful things that come with being a Brackett. Hundreds of people from all over the world love, care and pray for our kids because they’re Bracketts. They get to travel to different countries with mom and dad. They get to live in Croatia with us and grow up bilingual.

In the same way, there are countless blessings that only Christians could enjoy. The world may seem like they’re having fun, but only believers could truly enjoy lasting joy, unwavering hope and lingering peace, despite the troubles of the world. We get to enjoy these benefits simply because we belong to God.

Another way our identity in Christ matters is the fact that it is the most important thing about us and the only thing that will last for eternity. We are called to do different things, have various identities in our marital status, our jobs, and our roles in the community. When you look at everyone’s profile description on social media, you see many titles that reflect who they are. On my craft instagram account, I describe myself as a Christ-follower, paper crafter, amateur watercolorist, handlettering novice, reader, wife and mother. Those are all true, but the one thing I need to emphasize more than any calling is that I am in Christ.

When we face challenges as a young mom, or as an overworked teacher, or as a neglected friend, we need to remind ourselves that we are a child of God, our identity is in Christ, even if we feel like a failure. And failure you will certainly feel as a mom. I’m speaking from experience. I cannot tell you how many sleepless nights I’ve had because I’d felt like I was a horrible mom, wife, friend, daughter. I behaved badly, reacted in sin or spoke harsh words to people I love the most. There were times when I felt like what I had done would have irreversible damage to my relationships with them.

That feeling of failure could overwhelm me, make me depressed, make me give up. But Christ is not finished with me yet. He is the perfecter of my faith. If I focus on myself, I will find only failure because I am still a sinner. But if my focus is in Christ, I will find His righteousness in me. Of course, I will strive to be better in all that I am called to do. I will work hard to improve my attitude, overcome my sins, reach out to those I’ve hurt. But I know I will mess up again. However, I cannot let failure be my main identity. I am in the process of Christlikeness, and it is only through Christ that I can do anything good, so I need to cling to that truth, not my failures.

In the same way, if things are going well in our jobs, or our kids behave like perfect little angels, or the community looks up to us, we have to remember that even in our success, our identity in Christ is still the most important thing about us. Good or bad, we are in Christ. We cannot let failures or success muddle our minds. Don’t let failure or success change our focus from Christ to self. Christ is the King of our life. Don’t let circumstance dethrone Him. No adoring husband, behaving kids, successful career, community respect could make God love us more. Therefore, we can be content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. We are complete in Christ, with or without a successful job, a good marriage, a wonderful family. For this reason, we can always rejoice in hope that we are in Christ.

1 John 1:3-2 says See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

1 Peter 2:9-10 says But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Colossians 3:1-2 says, If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

Parenting has taught me how much obedience to God and trusting Him make the most sense in every circumstance

As I mentioned above, over the years, my husband and I have set rules that are important to our family. These are not random rules we just made up. There is a reason behind each rule. We emphasized table manners because we knew we would be in other people’s homes often as missionaries and did not want to have to struggle with our kids each meal time. We wanted our visits with our supporters to be pleasant and not a stressful mess.

Our kids also suffered from allergies, especially as babies, so I limited their sugar and juice intake from the beginning. I remember the first time our oldest realized other kids were allowed to eat more than one cookie and it was the biggest shock of her life. She didn’t understand how they were allowed but she wasn’t.

As teenagers, our girls are not allowed to do many things their friends do all the time. We teach them to have discernment in what kinds of things they put in their minds, with what they watch, what they read, what they spend their time on. In each of these rules, our girls didn’t always understand, nor agree, with us. There have been many times when we have had to deal with rebellion, disobedience and defiance from them. Those are difficult times, but as parents we need to stay consistent. They questioned our decisions. They fought us over them.

Even when we explained why we have those rules, they didn’t care because they wanted to do what they weren’t allowed to do. Their desire for that one thing is more important than obeying mom and dad. It didn’t matter to them that we have their best in mind. And when they choose to disobey, it is hard for us as parents to watch them get hurt, fail, and suffer the consequences of their sins. Our rules are there to protect them from danger, illness, and other things they are not quite ready yet to face. Our rules are there to teach them discernment so they can decide wisely someday when we will no longer be around. But they don’t always see that our reasons are reasonable enough.

In the same way, God has certain parameters we need to abide by as His children. Sometimes, we don’t understand why, and we fight Him; we question. But we know that He is a good God and will do what is best for us. We may not always understand His rules, but we can be sure that it is for our good. He is far wiser than we are.

We see only a small portion of what’s going on, but He knows the big picture. He knows what will happen. He is perfectly wise, good and in control. But often, we are like the 2-year-old who resists his mom when she insists on holding his hand as they cross the street. We rebel and want to do what we want to do, even though it is not good for us. So parenting has taught me how important trusting and obeying God is. I cannot always foresee the future, or the bad things lurking in the corner, or even how my own sins will hurt me. I have to trust in God who does and knows and wants the best for me. Rest in Him. Hope in His promises. He will never fail us.

Psalm 22:4-6 says, In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

Psalm 84:11 says, For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Let me close by asking you a question. Where do you stand before God? All these benefits of being a child of God does not apply to everyone. Remember God is a holy God and unless you have been made holy through Christ, you cannot belong to Him. Your good works, your sacraments, your penance will not make you a child of God because none of those will make you holy enough to come before a holy God. Only Christ’s perfect righteousness can make you holy.

These good things I’ve listed above come only to those who belong to Him, to those who have trusted in Him as their Savior, to those who have repented of their sins and come to the cross for the forgiveness of their sins, once and for all. My prayer is that you will put your trust in Christ as the one who alone can save you. I hope you will understand and enjoy fully the tremendous blessings of being a child of God. Life with Christ is not always easy; in fact, God promised it will be hard on this earth, but it will be worth it. The benefits will outweigh the hardships because we have Christ who is all sufficient for us, here and in the life to come.

Loving God With All My Mind

***ETA: I was so disappointed that The Book Thief, which is advertised as a young adult book, is loaded with cuss words. I was reading it to my girls when I realized it (thankfully I was doing the reading, so I skipped the undesirable words), but we like to take turns. I guess we'll have to shelf that one and look for another book to read together.***

I hope you all had a great holiday season. We did some traveling to visit family, even got stranded for 4 days in Cincinnati. It was all good and made the best of the situation. I'm so thankful that our kids are so resilient. They had a better attitude about being stranded than I did. :)

At the end of 2013, as many of you do, I spent time just evaluating my year and life, in general. Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." I don't really do new year resolutions, but I do find areas in my life that always need improving (my list is a mile long!). One thing that stands out is my need to grow in my love for God. Luke 10:27 says, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind..."

I know it is every Christian's resolution and there's always room to improve on loving God, but I was drawn more specifically to the phrase, "with all your mind."  Perhaps it's because I'm homeschooling this year and felt I need to up my academic brain. Perhaps I'm realizing I'm getting "up there" age-wise and my brain needs to be more stimulated for fear of forgetting things. Regardless of the reason, I'm glad that God brought this to mind.

So how do you go about loving God with all my mind? I have thought of two things: by exposing my brain to ideas, and reading more books. Here are my thoughts during my 2-week long journey so far:

• First I have to remember, all truth is God's truth ("All truth exists to make God known and loved and shown."). I usually read Christian books, those that help me improve my walk with Christ. That is always good. I tend to shun other types of books and for good reason: I just don't have enough time to read what's out there. What I'm forgetting is there are so many other aspects of this world that also deserve my attention. The truth found in psychology, sociology, government, etc. is also God's truth, as long as they agree with Scriptures. And since all truth is God's truth, the truth found in those fields are also worth knowing. I have to emphasize, though, that I need to exercise caution and when deciding which books to spend my valuable time on. Unfortunately, there's so much garbage out there that we all desperately need biblical discernment in this area as well.
• I have to cement my worldview and practice discernment. Everyone has one. I follow a biblical worldview, meaning I look at events, history, life in the light of the Bible. I look at a butterfly and marvel at God's creativity, not that it took millions of years to develop from some primordial bug. I look at the blessings in my life and thank God for each one because I know they are all gifts from Him (as opposed to random luck). At the same time, when I read books or listen to speakers, I have to be able to discern why and how it agrees/disagrees with Scripture. The Bible is my ultimate standard for truth.
• I need to expand my reading material. I'm usually not drawn to fiction, except some of the classics, but the contemporary fiction is usually a reflection of the cultural worldview, or how the world sees things. If I want to engage the people around me with the Gospel, I need to understand how they think, i.e. what their worldview is. And fiction books are a product of the authors' imagination and creativity, qualities that reflect God's image in us.
• I can usually get the gist of popular books by watching interviews of the authors promoting the book. This is the lazy approach to knowing, but it gets the job done. I have enjoyed viewing Youtube videos of debates and interviews of famous authors. This is good to do when I'm preparing dinner or vacuuming or doing other everyday chores.
• Finally and most importantly, I have to guard my heart and to make sure my motivation for wanting to know more is so I can love God more. It's easy to love knowledge for the sake of appearing intellectual. But that only leads to pride, which I am so prone to fall into. It is my prayer that my love for truth and knowledge is because they lead me to know the Creator behind them and be in greater awe of who He is! 

Here are some books that I am currently enjoying on this journey of loving God more with all my mind:
Saving Leonardo - a great book on how different ideas affect our worldview.
The Outliers - a very thought provoking nonfiction book by best-selling author Malcolm Gladwell
The Hobbit - just because it's fun :).
The Book Thief - something I'm reading with my girls. It's now made into a movie, which we're waiting to see after we read the book (see ETA above).
Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl - this came highly recommended by a favorite Christian blogger. It's a good book for me to read as I prepare my girls to face a world where friendship with boys will become more complicated.

Etsy Store * Facebook * Pinterest * Bloglovin'

Happy new year and great articles!

Here are some great articles, some of which are helpful as we prepare to face the new year:

• Did you buy your child an Iphone or any mobile device this year? Then, you should read THIS.
• The Most Courageous Resolution for 2014
• How to Read the Whole Bible
• Pray For Your Daughter 31-Day Challenge
• 18 Things I Will Not Regret Doing with My Kids (also, wife and husband) 
• 40 Resolutions to Consider Making
• 4 Godly Disciplines Unique to this Decade
• In light of the previous link, I really like this article on humblebragging.
• When Nothing Created Everything

"Marriage Isn't for Me" Got it Partially Right

There is a blog post that has gone viral online, Marriage Isn't For Me by Seth Smith. At first, the title threw me off, but why would my Christian friends share an article saying marriage isn't for them? So I had to read it and immediately thought the author got it right. But then, did he really? I think he got it just partially right.

Mr. Smith postulates that marriage is all about the other person, i.e. the spouse. Selfishness destroys a marriage, and therefore, selflessness is the key to a good one. I agree. I especially love this part, "Selfishness demands, 'What’s in it for me?', while Love asks, 'What can I give?'" Amen to that and to this statement, "...a true marriage (and true love) is never about you." But, he went on to say, "It's for others," i.e, his wife, her friends and family, future kids, etc. This is when I knew something was amiss. Though his conclusions seem noble, they just don't seem enough. Please keep in mind that I'm taking the article at face value. I don't know Mr. Smith and am not attempting to guess his motivation for his actions.

As a Christian woman, my loving my husband selflessly out of my desire to make him happy simply just sounded incomplete. Though selflessness plays a key role in order to have a happy marriage, it's not enough. I think Mr. Smith's post missed the number one necessary ingredient for a good and successful marriage: God. And not just any god, but THE God of the Bible that is revealed in His Holy Word. And to truly make God the focus of your marriage, you need to be changed by His grace first. You need to be saved by Christ's redeeming work and death on the cross. Our motivation to have selfless love in marriage has to come from God Himself.

Do you want to have a happy marriage? It is imperative to make God your focus. Make Him the real reason for marriage and any relationship you pursue. Without God in the picture, it would be impossible to be completely selfless and therefore, it's impossible to have a happy marriage as suggested by Mr. Smith, at least to sustain it long-term. Without God's grace, none of us would ever truly love sacrificially. We are all born selfish. Just look at a little baby and you'll quickly see the selfishness innate in all of us. It's part of our sinful nature. But we, who are redeemed, are empowered by the Holy Spirit to change. We can pursue God's glory and desire to honor Him every day.

Mr. Smith only got it partially right because:

• Marriage is not merely for the sake of your spouse and others (and their good), no matter how noble that sounds. We will eventually see our spouse's selfishness. One unkind word or undesirable expression from our spouse will make us question if our spouse really deserves our sacrificial love when he/she isn't reciprocating and/or when he/she doesn't act deserving of our efforts. But when we love because God first loved us (1 Jn 4;19), we can overlook our spouse's faults and continue on loving him/her, even if we don't receive anything in return from him/her. And as with everything else we do (1Cor 10:31), marriage is ultimately for God.
• Our spouse's happiness cannot be the litmus test for a happy marriage because they're fickle like we all are. What makes them happy today may not be the same tomorrow. Our goal is not a happy marriage, but a joyful life in Christ.
• Mr. Smith says, "the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive." There is no guarantee that when you love, you receive it back, at least not all the time. Otherwise, "unrequited love" wouldn't be a familiar theme in literature. I think Mr. Smith's statement can be better said from a Christian standpoint, "the more you truly love, the more you become more like Christ, and the more profoundly you see His love for you."
• Selflessness in marriage is not sustainable on our own because we will undoubtedly fail. We need the Holy Spirit in us to make us become more like Christ. We can look to Him who will not fail us. Without His sanctifying work, we would all fail miserably in our marriage. And I'm not referring merely to longevity or quantity, but quality of marriage. I desire not just a marriage that lasts a long time, but one that is characterized by a loyal friendship between husband and wife, a sweet blessing to others, and a beautiful picture of true Biblical love. A friend once told me that a successful marriage is not 50-50. It's giving 100% with 0 expectations. Imagine what kind of marriage it produces when both parties do this.

Finally, I have to add that a happy marriage, though certainly a huge blessing, is not our ultimate goal in being selfless. We pursue selflessness in our marriage because it glorifies God and we belong to Him. We do it even if it doesn't result in a happy marriage. We do it even when it's hard, when our spouses disappoint us. We live in an imperfect world. We are still sinners and are married to sinners. But, what a relief that we can base our ultimate happiness in Him who is unchanging, who deserves our utmost love and devotion, who gives us the strength to keep going, and who loves us perfectly and sacrificially ALL the time. God doesn't promise us a happy, long-lasting marriage. Instead, He promises eternal joy to those who belong to Him, who faithfully seek to glorify Him every day. And for that reason, marriage, or anything in life for that matter, is not really for us or others. It's for God!

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Further thoughts on Mr. Smith's Article

Here are some thoughts and questions that crossed my mind after reading his post. Some of these questions were also raised by another article, a response post by the Center of Women's Psychology to Mr. Smith's:

1. Does true selflessness exist? Is it sustainable in the long run? Is a happy marriage attainable simply by being selfless?
2. Is it really about the person you love? Mr. Smith's answer to have a happy marriage really only works if your spouse is kind and also self-sacrificial. What if your spouse doesn't meet you half-way in the selflessness path? Even worse, what if he/she is mean or being unreasonable? Do I have to defer to my spouse every single time?
3. Mr. Smith says, "the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive." Is this true?
4. Is it entirely wrong to think of one's own preference, wants and needs in a marriage? What if my spouse is asking me to do something against my conscience?
5. If one is always selfless and giving in to the wants of the spouse, does that make one lose his/her identity eventually? 
6. Is there really no place for hedonism in a happy marriage?
7. Does being selfless really make you happy? For how long do you try if it doesn't?

The following points answer the questions above and are my feeble attempt to "complete" what's missing in Mr. Smith's solution to a true marriage. With the help of the Holy Spirit,:

1. Selflessness can exist and be achieved only through Christ by His redeeming power and atoning death on the cross As Christians, we are now dead to sin and alive in Him (Romans 6:11). A happy marriage is attainable because what it takes to get it is not wholly dependent on our own efforts. The sin that makes a marriage unhappy can be overcome by the Spirit. This doesn't mean we will never give in to selfishness, but it doesn't define us anymore. As believers, we ask for forgiveness and must use every day and every moment as an opportunity to exercise the fruits of a changed heart.
2. Marriage is not about us or our spouses. It's about God's glory. So, even if our spouse doesn't act sacrificially toward us, we are still obligated to be kind to him/her because God's glory dictates that we commit to doing good, regardless of our circumstances. Our motivation for a good marriage is no longer to please ourselves or even our spouse, but to honor Him who deserves our all. We make a commitment to do good to our sometimes unreasonable spouse because it's what pleases the Lord.
3. There is no guarantee that when you love, you receive it back, at least not all the time. Otherwise, "unrequited love" wouldn't be a familiar theme in literature. As Christians, we love because He first loved us (1 Jn 4;19) and that is enough. We love even if it's not reciprocated.
4. Because we live for Christ, we should despise any form of sin. We cannot defer to our spouse when they're asking us to do something against our conscience and convictions. In this situation, through careful examination of Scripture and God's glory in mind, we have to put ourselves (our conscience and convictions) first. This also applies when dealing with abusive spouses. In which case, please seek help and counsel immediately.
5. If our identity is undesirable and sinful, then we should certainly and gladly give it up. Our identity as believers is in Christ (Gal 2:20) and should be exemplified by the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). 
6. Hedonism, i.e., Christian hedonism, has to be present in a marriage. Christian hedonism, per Desiring God, is defined as "the truth that 'God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.' Therefore, if we are going to glorify God as we ought, the pursuit of joy is not optional—it is essential. We not only may, but ought to pursue our maximum pleasure—in God." When we pursue God, joy comes inevitably. So in that sense, we can be hedonists.
7. Being selfless in itself will not make us happy. But done with God's glory as our goal then yes, and not just happiness but all-fulfilling, eternal joy. It may not be experienced right away, may not even in this lifetime, but it will come because God keeps His promises (see Psalm 16:11, Isaiah 35:10, Psalm 105:43, Psalm 5:11 and many others). And we have to continue to be selfless for as long as we live.